Back In The Saddle

Last night Becca joined me for a couple bottles of wine, lots of bread, cheese, and hummus. We were surprisingly not as drunk as you'd think. We actually got a lot of work done on the creative front. The timing was perfect as I needed a pick-me-up from my pseudo-mid-life-crisis. Over a year ago- maybe closer to 2- Becca and I started recording two of my projects as audio books. We had false starts and stopped work. She's offered to record both stories in her free time in her home-recording studio. Nice! It's in her hands- if she wants to add music, vocals, etc it's all her call and I can't wait to hear what she does. We also devised a plan to film little scenes on a weekly basis just to keep our creative edge sharp and stabby. Should be interesting.

I'm going to try and do a lot more journaling. Then I can regurgitate it all in blog form.

The garage door just went up and Brett's home. Gotta go.

A Quandary

What constitutes a mid-lfe crisis? Technically I'm 33 and since 50 is like the new 40 maybe I'm still too young to worry about this. I took a mental inventory of my life- the good, the bad, victories, defeats and everything in between. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep. My bad characteristics outweigh all my good, my failures trump my successes, my skills and experience don't match what I earn... When I really boiled everything down the only real solid thing I could come up with is that I can make an amazing grilled cheese sandwich. Right now the biggest competition in my life is that $100 panini maker my mother-in-law gave us last Christmas.

I've spent the last 12 years focusing on film production and writing and am still struggling to get a break. I get close but never seem to pull things together. Maybe I set my goals too high? Maybe I'd rather work toward lofty goals that I have little chance of reaching vs. setting low standards followed by goals that a slug could attain. I started to think I was being too hard on myself but I've settled with being brutally honest.

Every so often I require a small break-down that includes tearing myself apart. It makes me take better stock of myself when I put the pieces back together, I guess. Lost some sleep, shed some tears, but surprisingly gained some insight and a clearer vision of the big picture.

Still writing, still creating, still focused on my dreams. Oh yeah, and that DVD I purchased, the fitness one? Yeah, I'm doing that, too. Back to the grind...

Back To Work

Finally! Employment! And you know what the frustrating part about all this is? The job was there all along- I just ignored it. I've gone back to waiting tables at the restaurant I used to work at prior to selling cars. Hopefully now there will be some balance in my life. Granted- I loved being able to work on my writing and focus on other projects this summer, but I found I take my free time for granted.

Speaking of taking things for granted and misusing free time- I've really packed on the pounds. Yes- did the master cleanse and lost 9 pounds when all was said and done... but most of it was water weight. I don't think I was as toxic as most people. As it stands now I've put 4 of the 9 pounds back on. I'm still wanting to take off about ten pounds that has taken up residence on my ass and hips. (Never a good sign when your baggy jeans that you normally can't wear because they fall off your hips fit like a glove.) What I can't figure out- and if you're a nutritionist or fitness expert I welcome your thoughts- how is it that I managed to add 2 inches on my waist and 2 inches on my hips but lost on inch in my chest? Seriously? Did it just go south for the winter or is this normal? Please advise...

So the solution to this summer weight gain (besides crying and stuffing more ice-cream in my face) was the purchase of some fitness DVD last night at Target. I have the NYC Ballet Workout, Yoga, Pilates DVDS and they look very impressive on display with the other DVDS. I swear I'm going to do this one- I swear. Ultimately Id like to get back into shape so I can go back to dance. In college I took bellydance and was going to transition back into ballet and tap (tap being my ultimate favorite thing) but that was put on hold when Brett and I started dating. He had issues with it to say the least. Now, ten years later, he's okay with me getting back into dance and all that flexible stuff. Thanks. So, the idea is to get in good enough shape where I can show up at the dance studio and not feel completely foolish. We'll see how that turns out...

I'm still working on some writing projects. Things are a lot more streamlined and simplified now. I don't feel like I'm having to grasp at so many things. Everything will fall into place as needed. I think. I hope. We'll see.

I'm off to work. I'm definitely going to need some flair.

Cleanse this, sucka.

Update: Detox brings out all the chemicals and the bitchier side of one's self. I haven't been the "master cleanser" and I admit to consuming a couple of oranges, some beer, a piece of toast, tomatoes, watermelon and a snickerdoodle cookie from a rest area. God bless those church volunteers with their coffee and cookies. Whatever- everything in moderation. I've lost 6 pounds. And developed a bad attitude.

We were in Seattle last couple days filming. Now I need to mastermind costumes for the John Hughes breakfast brunch tribute/Happy Birthday Dayn party. Brett and I plan on going as Clark and Ellen Griswold.

Back to my lemon/maple/cayenne gruel. It's really growing on me in a sick gum-burning-rot-your-stomach-lining sort of way.